Before BDSM dating sites were established, many people involved in the scene used social media to share their experiences and link up with other kinksters. But now that Tumblr has purged all of its NSFW content, a good portion of the kink community has one less outlet to use to connect with each other. However, there are still kink-friendly sites and apps made for the BDSM community.
BDSM dating websites may be advertised as safe spaces to find a Dom/sub relationship, but when have dating apps been used exclusively for their intended purpose? People swiping on more vanilla dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, or The League will tell you that you can use the app to build all types of connections–like committed relationships, casual hookups, and new friends. Well, BDSM dating apps can be utilized the same way.
Dating sites for subs
When used correctly, dating apps like these can be a helpful tool to have. However, as with any online community, if you don’t take the right preventative measures you risk putting yourself in harm’s way. Here are a few tips to prioritize your safety:
- Remain skeptical and never rush to meet someone–take the time to properly vet their identity.
- Fully discuss consent, safewords, and boundaries.
- Establish rules and aftercare rituals.
These details may seem menial, but they’re mega-important for protecting yourself and weeding out those who won’t be a match.
8 Best BDSM dating sites
1) Best dating site for finding casual flings and adults involved in the scene: AdultFriendFinder
AdultFriendFinder isn’t just one of the top BDSM dating sites, it’s a social media platform. Boasting well over one million site members and counting, AFF is easily navigable, explicit, and heavily used in major cities. You also don’t need an account to get sneak peeks of users in your area that are active.
Before entering the site, you’ll be able to set your preferences as interested in single men, women, couples, or groups. You’ll notice the homepage layout is pretty simple (almost early Facebook-esque) and quite revealing. Having the ability to filter the content according to nudity is a big bonus for at-work browsers. Other options for filtering are age, distance, username, and active status. Complete the profile “purity test” to find out if you’re a sexual newbie or a full-blown hedonist. You can also fill out the personality test to connect you with your perfect match. AFF also offers a cam site, an adult-centered content community, and an app! If variety is what you’re searching for on your new dating site, AdultFriendFinder is your destination.
2) Best dating site for finding munches: FetLife.com
Easily the most popular BDSM dating website, FetLife is your place to go to not only find hot dates but for information on local munches, and ways connect with other members of the kink community.
Most of FetLife’s content is available with a free membership, but if you’d like to view member videos and other lengthy content, you’ll need to upgrade.
3) Best bondage dating site for people looking for online-only relationships: Book of Sex
Book of Sex is run by the same company as AdultFriendFinder. So the interface, features, and many users are the same (since you get access to both sites). The biggest difference between the two is the number of users and a variety of users. I can’t tell you which site is better between the two since our likes differ. My advice would be to try both out! If you’re in a big city, you might find more users are involved with one site over the other. If you’re not in a city, the chances are that most users are signed up for both.
4) Best dating site for people looking to explore multiple kinks: Subs-and-doms.com
Whether you’re looking for a one-time fling or a long-term play partner, subs-and-doms.com supports your quest to Femdom-nation. The site describes itself as “a BDSM community which caters for all your fetish needs…including foot worship, financial domination, Leather, PVC, and bondage.” The registration process is simple. All you need to sign up is an email and about 10 minutes to answer a handful of questions for your profile. Joining is free, but in order to access all of the site’s functions users will need to upgrade their subscription from Classic to VIP.
VIP benefits include: viewing all members’ media, search priority, reading private messages (and extending the favor to Classic members).
4) Best bondage dating site for those looking to just browse: BDSMDate.com
This large, stand-alone dating site is completely free to use–there are no trials, memberships, or paid add-ons. Here users can read and write blogs, upload photos and videos, and share each other’s posts. The site has chat rooms for almost every interest which makes meeting compatible kinksters a breeze, blogs for dating advice, and an official Facebook page to help further your connections faster.
5) Best BDSM dating app for swingers: Feeld
Feeld, previously 3nder, is your destination BDSM dating site for all things kink, swinger, and polyamorous. This app has a great design, interface, and security and is your best bet for judgment-free browsing of couples, doms, subs, and a whole lot more. Feeld really flexes its creativity right upon opening the app. You’re greeted by an aesthetically pleasing orange and white screen detailing the ways you can browse. Meet open-minded people and join solo or with a partner, lover, or friend. With the ability to link and unlink accounts, the browsing opportunities are limitless and exciting.
While creating your profile, you’ll be asked what you’re looking for and how you identify this profile. Is it a couples’ profile or does it belong to a single, bisexual, nonbinary person? Profiles appear as a split-screen with a summary of the account (name, sexual orientation, age, relationship status, and short bio) underneath a photo gallery. Swipe left and right to toggle between different profiles. When you come across one you like, just give it a heart! If they like you too, you’ll be able to start messaging. For your peace of mind, the app also lets you create your own pin code lock as an extra layer of security. You know, in case you pass your phone to your nosy mom or leave it unlocked around a snooping younger cousin.
6) Best BDSM dating app for couples: #Open
#Open is a fun and fresh approach to the standard BDSM dating apps. Upon making a profile, users have the choice between creating a solo account, partnered account, or a “double profile” where users can toggle in between the two with the ability to edit the account type at any time. Even better, the app has a strict no-NSFW image policy (yay! No unsolicited d*ck pics!). It also encourages the use of usernames or nicknames for heightened security. So there’s also less of a chance you’ll find yourself harassed or spammed by a deranged user.
#Open also requires all of its users to play “N.I.C.E,” it’s so refreshing to see a dating app highlight consent, respect, and boundaries. However, if you’re feeling a little more…open…there’s a spot to add your social media handles. There’s even a place for users to define their current relationship situation or describe what they’re looking for. The app also functions on–you guessed it–hashtags. It offers up three phrases for users to complete that will help them find whatever it is they’re looking for. Some examples being: “I’m open to trying…”, “My interests are…?”, and “I’m looking for…?” which can all be answered by typing in specific phrases which then convert into active hashtags.
#Open is pretty simple to figure out and works like many other swipe-based apps. The only difference being users can also browse the hashtags that they’re interested in. This is just another way to stumble upon other like-minded users and possible flings.
What this site excels in is the diversity of its users. It’s way more inclusive than other apps that have you identify within a gender binary. All in all, #Open is a great app for open minded adults looking to connect with other BDSM fanatics.
7) Best LGBTQ+ BDSM dating app: Lex
Lex is the rebranded version of popular queer classifieds Instagram account Personals. The unofficial BDSM dating app exists outside of Instagram and lets users draft 30-day ads for meeting other queers. The app is incredibly inclusive. It lists itself as “for lesbian, bisexual, asexual, and queer people.” As well as “womxn and trans, genderqueer, intersex, two-spirit, and non-binary” users. You can use Lex to post classifieds for pretty much whatever you want, but it excels especially with hookups. Just share what you’re looking for, come up with a witty title, and wait for the messages to come in.
Lex’s emphasis on the personal connection over physical appearance can be both a blessing and a curse, particularly for users who prefer a specific aesthetic from their partners. Users can’t see what you look like unless you link your Instagram account, making it a more or less necessary addition to enjoying Lex to the fullest. Lesbian dating app etiquette still applies here, too, so ghosting is very common.
8) Best for BDSM matchmaking: MatchBDSM.com
A more recent addition to the world of BDSM dating sites, MatchBDSM.com specializes in bondage dating and matchmaking. Catering to Masters/Doms and submissives/slaves, according to the site some of the most popular topics discussed are anal, hogties, and light spanking. Clearly, MatchBDSM.com shouldn’t be confused with Match.com–both very successful sites, however, they’re completely unrelated. MatchBDSM.com is free to join; however, paid users are the only ones who get the full experience (reading messages, priority search results, etc.).