Best dating sites for poly

There are a few dating sites that are focused on polyamory and open relationships.

Polyamory is the practice of loving multiple people at once, and it’s gaining traction in the modern world. There are more and more people who are choosing to be polyamorous rather than monogamous, and there are many reasons for this, including the fact that polyamory is more than just having sex with multiple partners: it’s about being in an emotionally open, honest relationship with everyone you date.

One thing to keep in mind if you’re looking for a polyamorous partner is that not all people who identify as poly identify as such because they want to have sex with multiple partners. Some do desire sexual intimacy with multiple partners, but many others only want emotional intimacy with multiple partners—meaning they don’t want to have sex with anyone but their primary partner(s). So if you ask someone whether they’re polyamorous or not, they may respond by telling you that they don’t like labels or that they’re “more than just one thing.”

The best dating sites for those who practice polyamory have profiles that allow users to specify what type of relationship they’re looking for (whether it be emotional or sexual). And if you

Best dating sites for poly

The COVID-19 pandemic changed everything, including how we view ourselves and our relationships. Dating app usage surged during the first quarter of 2020; more people than ever have come out as queer, non-binary, and transgender; and since vaccination rates have increased, so has an interest in ethical non-monogamy (ENM). And while there might not be one perfect polyamorous dating site that caters to every type of non-monogamous person, plenty of dating app options (and filters) do exist that can work for the ENM community.

I like to say I was ahead of the curve. I started practicing non-monogamy when I was 18 years old—before its surge in popularity—when my high school boyfriend and I agreed to an open relationship. Eight years later, I’m a non-monogamy educator. While I like to thank algorithms for introducing me to many of my partners, dating apps aren’t the most conducive to finding partners as a non-monogamous person. It can be hard to sift through the noise and find partners who are on the same page. Plus, the dating pool can often feel tiny.

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“It’s really hard, just by the nature of polyamory itself, to find experienced and dope polyamorous folks who aren’t saturated…no matter what app you’re on,” says Jessica Levity, polyamorous educator and entertainer. “I think ENM folks should be aware of the reality of dating app burnout. In general, using dating apps is a ‘numbers game,’ and that numbers game is even harder for ENM folks because it’s a smaller sample size.”

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As a non-monogamous person, I’ve experienced this as well. No matter how many times I say I’m in a polyamorous relationship on my profile, I inevitably come upon people who immediately un-match me when they realize they can’t have me all to themselves.

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So, what apps can help us navigate these difficulties? How can ENM people work their way into a world—and an online dating world—that perpetuates the concept of finding a “one and only”? Well, first we pick our battles. Then we pick our apps.

My personal experience using dating apps as a queer, non-monogamous woman

Despite meeting my first romantic female partner on Hinge, this app in particular is one of the least amenable apps for ethical non-monogamy. It is, after all, coined as “designed to be deleted,” which perpetuates monogamy, so it’s not surprising that I found it difficult to be ENM on this app.

It doesn’t give you an option in your profile to designate the level of exclusivity you desire, which isn’t expected—but paired with the fact that your bio is actually a series of answers to their preselected questions, you have to get creative if you want to make it clear you’re ethically non-monogamous.

Still, because it attracts folks who are looking for more serious (monogamous) relationships, I’ve received the most skepticism about my lifestyle on it. Most of the men I spoke to on Hinge were confused about the workings of ENM or they saw me as a challenge.

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Tinder and Bumble, while not perfect, are pretty decent options for ENM folks. Their benefits have to do with numbers and simplicity. In the United States, Tinder and Bumble are the dating apps with the largest user base. Because these two apps are so popular, you’re more likely to run into others who are ethically non-monogamous—or at least open to it. The hard part: wading through the mass of humans (and bots) in order to find what you’re looking for.

Feeld and OkCupid are two of the best options for ethically non-monogamous dating. Feeld was made for ENM. Formerly called 3nder, Feeld claims to be “a sex-positive space for humans looking to explore dating beyond the norm,” and I’d say that’s true. When you make your profile, you can upload photos of yourself, link your account to a partner, and specify your “interests” and “desires.” There are a litany of options in terms of choosing your gender identity and sexuality as well as the types of accounts you want to see. If you don’t want to see couples? Cool. If you’d like to see only women? Great. It allows you to tailor toward the experience you’re looking for.

As for OkCupid, in 2014, the app added expanded gender and sexuality options for users to select. And in 2016, it added non-monogamy options. That, along with the questionnaire-driven algorithm, allows folks to more easily pursue what they’re looking for.


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But of course, my opinion isn’t the only one that matters. So I spoke with seven other folks who identify as non-monogamous about their favorites and definitely-not-favorites.

Here’s what dating apps are worth taking up storage space, according to others who identify as non-monogamous:

  • I started with Feeld, which was great when I was first exploring and is incredibly [non-monogamous] friendly. It was an education and chance for me to learn a lot (especially what various abbreviations meant!) and I met some amazing people who have been really influential for me.” —Sammy, 29, London
  • I gravitate more toward Tinder because the interface is better and I think it has something for everyone. [I find there can be] a lot more bi-phobia sometimes and a lot more people who are staunchly against ENM, but there’s also a lot more people who practice ENM. There’s a higher volume of users.” —Gabrielle, 28, New York
  • The number and types of filters you can set on OkCupid is super helpful because I can adjust settings so that I only see folks who are non-monogamous or are open to non-monogamy, which is a feature none of the other major apps seem to offer.” —Michelle, 27, Oregon
  • “I felt that connections through Tinder and Hinge bred insecurity and performative detachment, whereas people on Feeld have an appetite for exploration and at the same time take a people-caring approach to their connections, which fosters a sense of openness and security in the ethically non-monogamous space.” —Kana, 23, New York
  • “I’ve found that apps like Tinder are more likely to draw in very casual dynamics, whereas OkCupid can be casual without the high traffic of glorified unicorn hunters (which in my opinion, are super unethical). Polyamory just felt less fetishized on OkCupid.” —Hanaa, 27, North Carolina
  • “I’m still active on Tinder; I like how the stakes feel low and it feels like a more casual way to just chat with people I think are cute. OkCupid makes the most sense to use for me as an ENM person. It’s so awesome to see so many other ENM folks on there, and I feel the most potential to form genuine and meaningful connections through there.” —Leah, 24, New York
  • “I don’t believe Tinder is great for ENM.” —Noa, 23, Colorado

Unfortunately, there will never be a perfect dating app for all non-monogamous folks. After all, we’re not a monolith. And despite ethical non-monogamy becoming more popular, the bulk of singles are still seeking more traditional relationships. That said, it is possible to find relationships that fit your needs as an ethically non-monogamous person on “regular” dating apps. You just might have to look a little deeper.

Here’s hoping dating apps evolve to become even more ENM-friendly, because the irony lies in the fact that folks who practice non-monogamy are the ideal customers for dating apps—we keep them even after we fall in love.

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