Best Dating Sites for Bi People
If you’re a bisexual person looking for love and/or sex, there are plenty of options at your fingertips. In fact, if you’re willing to put in the time and effort, you could probably find someone special on every dating site out there.
However, some sites are better than others when it comes to helping bi people find their match. Here are the top five best dating sites for bisexual singles.
Best dating sites for bi
True: Online dating sucks for everyone. Horny jerks disguise themselves as relationship seekers, your DMs are constantly filled with bad pickup lines and overly persistent creeps, and many times, the site’s algorithm ignores the filters that you’ve set. But the fact that there are no dating sites that cater specifically to bi people means that they’re frequently swiping on people who don’t take bisexuality seriously.
The unique dating challenges that bi people face boil down to one rigid concept: being too gay for some and too straight for others.
The “B” in LGBTQ+ makes up 50 percent of the queer community, but it’s one of the least-acknowledged letters in the acronym. There are dating sites for lesbians and dating sites for gay men, but nothing specifically for those who identify as bisexual. What makes the bi dating landscape — especially the online one — so tricky to maneuver?
What is unicorn hunting?
One of the most antiquated stereotypes about bisexual people is that they’re always down to fuck and down for polyamory. “Unicorn” is a term used to describe a bisexual person (usually a woman) who sleeps with heterosexual couples. In online dating, unicorn hunting is when a straight, taken female user toggles that she’s “looking for women” — not genuinely looking for a girl to get to know romantically, but rather for a girl interested in a threesome with her and her boyfriend or husband or whoever. Of course, they don’t mention this until later.
No one is saying that threesomes are bad. Reddit users who have experienced this mention that they don’t have a problem with “ethical non-monogamy.” They have a problem with being tricked into it. (There aren’t any great apps for polyamory either, but this is why Feeld(opens in a new tab) exists.)
Bisexuality is hyper-sexualized on heteronormative apps
Another frequent bisexual experience is one that all women face online, now heightened by the mere mention of “bi” in a dating app bio: men being creepy. Too many straight men have yet to grasp the concept that bisexuality is not a green light to ask a stranger how many girls they’ve been with or if she likes men or women better.
23-year-old Megan from Virginia, who is a friend of a friend, told us via Facebook that she couldn’t even count the number of gross (slash ignorant) messages she’d received from men in reference to writing “bi” in her Tinder bio. “There were times when they would be like ‘Oh, you never seemed gay in high school’ or whatever, because gay is obviously a personality trait 🙃,” she said. “Like my sexuality wasn’t a real thing or it was just a fetish to these people.”
Catfishing is also an issue. Some men have such a rabid obsession with queer women that they’ll sign up for a dating site as a woman just to see an all-women swiping field. It’s a total privacy breach at the least, and certainly doesn’t boost your willingness to meet up with someone in real life. Many dating sites are working to increase transparency about first name and age by requiring Facebook verification during sign-up.
Queer dating apps aren’t always inviting, either
Does “gold star lesbian” ring a bell? The delineation is given to lesbians who have never slept with a man. Countless bisexual women have reported being ghosted after disclosing that they have been with a guy before, and profiles with “gold stars only” in the bio have popped up, too.
This crowd of Reddit users explain the ways they’ve experienced biphobia on gay or lesbian dating sites. They’ve been told that they’re not “actually bisexual” if they haven’t been with anyone of the same gender before or that they’re “basically straight” if their most recent relationship was a heterosexual one. Summed up: if you’re not monosexually gay, it’s a cop-out. Invalidating someone’s sexual experiences is the opposite of the supportive sex-positivity that you’d expect from inside the queer community, and it contributes to many bisexual folks’ struggles of not feeling queer enough.
Why people think you should still put “bi” in your dating app bio
Adding those two simple letters to your bio will draw some unwanted attention, and it’s going to be a pain in the ass. But in the long run, it’ll also act like an asshole filter to weed out people who try to put sexual orientation into a box.
The idea that being bisexual is just a pit stop to being “fully-blown gay” — or that it means that you’re attracted to everyone you see — probably aren’t thoughts you’d prefer a partner to have. They’re especially not opinions you’d like to hear about months down the road from someone you thought you knew well. The easiest way to ensure that you won’t be left heartbroken over someone not accepting your sexuality? Let them know from the jump.
One writer for Tinder’s blog mentions that, despite his number of matches dropping once he put “bi” in his profile, he found more meaningful connections with open-minded men and women and had a more positive experience in general:
“For the first time in my life, women wanted to date me for something that others ostracized. I felt empowered and optimistic about my romantic future.
I also found myself meeting more bi men. Men who didn’t explicitly write “bi” on their profile, but would happily say something the moment they saw I proudly displayed my sexuality. Except for my current boyfriend, who identifies as gay, every person I’ve dated seriously has identified as bisexual or queer. I don’t think that’s coincidental. When you have shared experiences with discrimination, it’s easier to date.”
“Coming out” over and over again is unfair. But doing so right off the bat also acts as an early screening for people who identify as bi but say they wouldn’t date another bi person — something that a lot of bi men experience from bi women.
Can you actually find a relationship online?
Do bisexual people get dealt a shitty hand on dating apps? Yes. Does that mean meeting someone special online is impossible? Hell no. A 2017 study cited in the MIT Technology Review found that people who meet online are more likely to be compatible and have a higher chance of a healthy marriage if they decide to get hitched. Further, a 2019 study done at Stanford found that nearly two-thirds of modern same-sex couples meet online.
It sucks that there’s no legit dating app specifically devoted to bi individuals and other singles who respect what it means to be bi — yet. However, this also means that a good portion of other single bi folks are probably on those popular dating apps that you’ve considered. At least you know the user base is there. Many of these apps have taken steps toward inclusive features that can narrow your dating pool: OkCupid(opens in a new tab) pulls out the left-leaning people with compatibility based on questions about social issues and politics, and Tinder’s addition of 37 custom sexual orientations lets you opt to be shown matches that identify the same way you do.
Knowing all that, here are the best dating apps for bisexual people:
Your Best Bet
- Free version: Yes
- One month of OkCupid Basic: $14.99
- Three months of OkCupid Basic: $29.99 ($9.99 per month)
- Six months of OkCupid Basic: $44.95 ($7.49 per month)
- One month of OkCupid Premium: $24.99
- Three months of OkCupid Premium: $49.99 ($16.66 per month)
- Six months of OkCupid Premium: $74.95 ($12.49 per month)
- Almost everyone on the app is going to be on the same page politically and socially
- Modern app design is actually fun to use
- User base might not be big in smaller towns
- Free version has pop-up ads
For young, liberal voters, politics aren’t just a “well if we agree, it’s great” thing when looking for a partner — it’s the make or break for a solid foundation. OkCupid’s 2017 redesign is more than just millennial aesthetics: It’s geared toward ensuring that you don’t end up on a date with someone who doesn’t pay attention. The addition of 12 gender identities and 20 sexual orientations also makes it a safer space for non-binary and queer individuals to find love while using the pronouns that fit them.
The way that OkCupid targets more open-minded, sex-positive users seems to be translating to the experience that bi people have on the site. Megan from VA noticed that, compared to Tinder and Hinge, she received the least amount of gross messages from guys about her sexual experiences. Though she found her current partner on Tinder, she liked OkCupid the most:
“I like that the profiles were longer and I could see how they answered some questions that could be important to me before I even messaged them. That meant that if I didn’t agree with someone on a make or break issue to me, I could just not message them before putting the time into talking to them and learning that later.”
Politics aren’t the only compatibility factor here. OKCupid has in-depth user bios, but profile building isn’t long or tedious at all. You’ll even get to see the percentage of how much you have in common with other daters based on the questions you both answer. It’s an algorithm that OKC has been perfecting since their launch and we love them for that.
For Those Simply Looking For Sex
Best For Finding Queer Women
- Free version: Yes
- One month of HER Premium: $14.99
- Six months of HER Premium: $59.99 ($9.99 per month)
- 12 months of HER Premium: $89.99 ($7.49 per month)
- Something for every type of queer woman
- Space for community events
- Might run into fake profiles or couples looking for a third
- Poor user interface
Between creepy men pretending to be women and straight girls looking for another girl to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend, most heteronormative dating sites don’t give bi women a great shot at finding a relationship. HER, an award-winning app made for queer women by queer women, is the perfect place to go if you’re tired of the only queer woman you know being your ex girlfriend.
The app that wants to “introduce you to every lesbian you’ve ever wanted to meet” is growing rapidly: HER has grown to 4.5 million users since its rebrand in 2015, and according to Statista, that’s pretty damn close to what Bumble is working with — and they’re ALL. WOMEN. If you tried HER a few years ago and were discouraged by swiping through the same people, your experience will be much different this time around.
In summer 2019, HER revamped its minimalistic profiles to let users get more creative in categories like gender, sexuality, pronouns, diet preferences, and star signs, as well as a “What does this mean?” field in the sex, gender, and pronoun categories to create more well-rounded understanding of identity. There’s also a space for a text bio where you can showcase your sense of humor and describe what type of relationship you’re looking for.
The app has groups like “newly out,” “in a relationship/finding friends,” and “travelers” to help you find your people. Plus, during the pandemic, HER has hosted online and virtual events.
Best For Focusing On Personality
- Free version: Yes
- One month of Hinge Preferred: $29.99
- Three months of Hinge Preferred: $59.99 ($19.99 per month)
- Six months of Hinge Preferred: $89.99 ($14.99 per month)
- More genuine connections than Tinder without the pressure of a serious dating site
- Prompts provide conversation starters, so you aren’t flooded with “hey” messages
- Can’t send photos, which sucks for sharing memes, but rocks for not getting unsolicited explicit pics
- You’re limited to 8 matches per day
Young people looking to at least go on a few dates with the same person instead of everything turning into a friends with benefits situation was a major blind spot for dating sites — until Hinge blew up. The premise and user base might be in the Tinder and Bumble realm, but Hinge’s unique profile criteria and algorithm based on that criteria set the scene for matches with real-life potential. Some 90 percent said the first date was great and 72 percent said they’d be down for a second date.
Despite the fact that we’re actively seeking out new dating apps and feel a rush every time a cute contender swipes right back, no one looking for something serious wants to be on these. That’s the whole idea behind Hinge’s 2019 rebrand to “the dating app designed to be deleted.” Instead of cheesy questionnaires and spam emails about the 50 winks you were sent, Hinge uses ice breakers, religion, education, and more to help you find matches you’ll actually get along with. Though there’s a mix of serious and casual users, Hinge’s latest updates allows you to select your “Dating Intentions,” so you can be clear about exactly what you’re looking for, sans The Talk.
Instead of swiping, connections are made by liking or commenting on another person’s prompt answers or photos. Prompts range from “Two truths and a lie” to “I’ll pick the topic, you start the conversation.” You can send eight likes per day with the free version of Hinge, but there isn’t a limit to how many people can like you per day. Conversations are hidden after 14 days of inactivity to keep you focused on potential boos who are taking meeting seriously. Paying for Hinge Preferred also lets you filter by political views and other factors.
The focus on personality and interests is a nice change of pace from Tinder, where most of the focus is on selfies and whether you’re DTF on the first date. Thoughtful responses are probably too much effort for most people who could simply use Tinder to scout threesome contenders or send nasty messages. Olivia from Texas told us why she prefers Hinge over other apps:
“I feel like because they place such a heavy emphasis on your personality with all the question prompts it helps it feel more romantic, which is more palatable to people who were raised to believe that the only way to meet people is some kind of meet-cute or something.”
She also mentioned that she finds way more real bi girls than unicorn hunters on Hinge. The number of Hinge downloads (including a surge in the number of gay profiles) tripled the summer after Pete Buttigieg revealed that he met his husband on Hinge.
Best For Threesomes (sans Unicorn Hunting)
- Free version: Yes
- One month of Feeld Majestic: $14.99
- Three months of Feeld Majestic: $29.99 ($10 per month)
- Users are open-minded and upfront about what they want
- Specifically designed for threesomes (or more-somes) so you don’t have to troll Tinder looking for a third
- You’ll probably run into some bots or sex workers trying to promote themselves on the app
- Have to pay for features that allow for more anonymity
Bisexual people certainly aren’t against using a dating app to get laid — they’d just prefer that it’s not through the assumptions of a straight person. Created by a non-hetero and non-monogamous couple, Feeld is a dating app for couples and singles to find threesomes, foursomes, or however many people you want. (This isn’t the first dating site to focus on non-monogamous sex, but it is the first to do it in a way that doesn’t look like a scammy billboard ad.) Because more-than-two sex is the entire point of the app, most people are honest about what they’re looking for — AKA no need to lie about unicorn hunting.
Sex positivity is the name of the game here, and not like the vulgar, dicks-everywhere kind that you’d see on AdultFriendFinder. Here, you can get specific about boundaries, find people with the same kinks, and say you’re least interested in “cis het men” in your bio without people questioning you. And while “sit on my face” is the sexiest opening line that horny Tinder can think of, people on Feeld are generally chill, respectful, and can talk about sex without frothing at the mouth.
LGBTQ folks appreciate Feeld because it appreciates them. The app offers more than 20 sexual and gender identities and there’s a comforting understanding between users about what those identities mean. According to the company’s own stats, 35 percent of users are on the app with a partner and 45 percent identify as something other than heterosexual. The New York Times describes it as “a dating app with options that put the Kinsey scale to shame.”
Best If You’re Just Coming Out
- Free version: Yes
- One month of Tinder Plus: $9.99
- Six months of Tinder Plus: $29.99 ($5 per month)
- 12 months of Tinder Plus: $39.99 ($3.33 per month)
- One month of Tinder Gold: $29.99
- Six months of Tinder Gold: $89.99 ($15 per month)
- 12 months of Tinder Gold: $119.99 ($10 per month)
- One month of Tinder Platinum: $39.99
- Six months of Tinder Platinum: $119.99 ($20 per month)
- 12 months of Tinder Platinum: $149.99 ($12.50 per month)
- Huge user base, even in small towns
- You can find pretty much any type of relationship whether you want a hookup or something long-term
- Tons of App Store reviews talk about users getting banned from Tinder for seemingly no reason
- Don’t be surprised if you get some gross messages and run into unicorn hunters
A shit show, a hot mess, a nightmare — all things our interviewees used to describe being bisexual on Tinder. Every bi woman we talked to immediately brought up being scouted by other female users (who were, of course, straight and in a relationship) just looking to find a third for a threesome, the real kicker being that most of them conveniently don’t mention their motive right away. And because Tinder doesn’t require a Facebook account to sign up, there’s essentially no stopping a man from pretending to be a girl.
But you can’t deny Tinder’s role in connecting queer people who may not have signed up for a dating app otherwise. Despite an onslaught of gross opening lines from men who were simply blown away by the “bi” in her bio, Megan from VA found her current partner on Tinder.
Tinder is also helping people come out as bisexual or learn to navigate same-sex flirting for the first time. The now-ubiquitous swiping function gets shit for being shallow, but The Cut spoke to two people who said that the low-stakes vibe (less pressure than hitting up your first gay bar) made it easy to explore what they’d been thinking about after years of one gender exclusively: setting preferences to both men and women.
A partnership with GLAAD is making finding the right people much easier. In June 2019, Tinder expanded its orientation options to include bisexual, asexual, pansexual, and six more. Users can decide whether or not that’s made public and can also opt to be shown people of the same orientation first. (37 gender identity options were also added a few years ago.) Problematic daters can still work around this if they’re that devoted, but it’s an appreciated step toward making Tinder a safer space for LGBTQ users. Users who pay for Tinder Gold can also undo a left swipe or see which users have liked their profile.
Best For Finding Queer Men
- Free version: Yes
- One month of Grindr XTRA: $19.99
- Three months of Grindr XTRA: $39.99 ($13.33 per month)
- 12 months of Grindr XTRA: $99.99 ($8.33 per month)
- One month of Grindr Unlimited: $39.99
- Three months of Grindr Unlimited: $79.99 ($26.66 per month)
- 12 months of Grindr Unlimited: $239.99 ($19.99 per month)
- Virtually every gay gay looking to date is on Grindr
- Easier to find a hookup than Tinder
- You will likely get some unsolicited dick pics or NSFW messages from strangers
- Occasional biphobia
With Chappy shutting down in Feb. 2019, there aren’t many apps specifically for gay or bisexual men that aren’t some iteration of Grindr’s ab pic and dick pic-filled feed. But even after a decade of the same horny agenda, Grindr remains a go-to for instantaneous location-based hookups for gay and bi men.
Going into it, bisexual men probably have an idea of what’s coming on Grindr: nudity, pushy messages asking for nudity, and though it says it’s an app for all queer people, probably not many women. But finding and meeting up with men on Tinder or OkCupid isn’t always quick, especially if you’re in a small town with a meager queer community. Whether it’s your first time with a guy and you want someone experienced or you’re the experienced once simply looking for a quick hookup with a man, it’s nice to have Grindr in your back pocket.
That’s not to say it’s not for relationships — one of my good friends met his current boyfriend on Grindr(opens in a new tab) — but on a surface level, it’s ideal for quick, casual encounters. However, the Grindr for Equality campaign takes the app past being a simple hookup facilitator by advocating for sexual health and the safety of LGBTQ people in unsafe countries.
The main complaint from bisexual people about Grindr isn’t that it’s aggressively horny or 99 percent men. It’s the biphobia. This entire thread of Reddit users have experienced it in some way, describing the disappointment they feel from not being supported by their LGBTQ community and getting messages like “vaginas are gross” at the first mention of being bisexual or anything that’s not strictly gay. Grindr is technically advertised toward LGBTQ women as well, but because of the atmosphere on the app, they’re few and far between.
Best Tinder Alternative
- One week of Premium: $17.99
- One month of Premium: $32.99
- Three months of Premium: $66.99 ($22.33 per month)
- Lifetime of Premium: $199.99
- People you stay matched with actually respond within a timely manner (at least at first)
- Women message men first, which helps decrease any creepy intros
- The 24-hour time limit on starting the conversation might be too fast for some
- While there are several gender identification tags, there are none for sexual orientations
Bumble made a name for itself with it’s “women send the first message” model, which though a tad on the heteronormative side (either person can chat first with same-sex matches), can kind of help deter any creepy dudes away from bi women.
Without the chat feature applying to same-sex couples, Bumble does become a pretty similar experience to Tinder, minus a thing or two. Matches also go dead after 24-hours of no first messages — that means if you don’t send a first message or your match fails to respond to your first message within 24 hours, the time for talk is over. You can extend that time with Premium features, but for those trying to actually a conversation, and even a meeting going, this certainly helps keep your match queue streamlined.
In terms of the specific Bumble bi experience, it is easy to look at people of all genders at the same time. However, profiles don’t come with a tag to signify your own sexual orientation, so if you want people to know your bi, you’ll have to throw it in your bio or through one of the prompts. Still, Bumble is one of the most popular dating apps in the game, so the chances you’ll find someone are decently high. And if you’re looking for queer pals, Bumble BFF isn’t a bad place to go either.